I am a second-rate humor columnist.

Oh, did I say second-rate? I meant Second Place.

For more humor that's "not profound", here's today's column.

And now I should go back to working on my book that's due this weekend.

EDIT: Since people are asking, I believe this award entitles me to exactly diddly and squat. However, it has helped me convince my editor that I deserve a regular Friday column instead of a semi-monthly column, so I'll take it.